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EASYMIDGET'S TOP ELEVEN NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

   
   

11. Add episodes #34 and #36 to my St. Elsewhere video collection

10. Accurately memorize the alphabet

   
   

9. Learn to forgive Miss Cleo for not calling me back on my pager when I needed her most

8. Note to self: Buy stethoscope, begin offering girls free breast exams at bars

7. Start calling my beats "mad-def-stoopid-phat" and not "crazy-ill-fresh-dope-sick"

6. Remember not to wear sweat pants when my priapismic erection is acting up

5. Finally ask that retarded girl who bags groceries at the store out on a date.

   
   

4. Practice making that noise Flipper makes when he's flailing around above water.

3. Find out what brand of mousse Framingham's own Doug Flutie uses to sculpt his feathered mullet.

2. Start a write-in campaign to bring back the vegetable popsicle

and the number one New Years Resolution:

   
   

1. Smell Bob Hope's colostomy bag up close.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

 

 

 

 
 

 

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