YANNI HEALS YOUNG TEEN'S ANGST
by Dick Clark III

	"Yanni is way cool," says Terry who shows us his new Yanni Hellfire Tour 2001 T-shirt.

Like many 16-year-olds Terry McMuffin of Toledo, Ohio uses music to channel his pubescent angst. But unlike his colleagues at Binghamton Regional High School, what speaks to Terry most are the bi-annual releases of the great adult-contemporary artist —Yanni.

"Sometimes I just run home from school, throw my books in the corner of the room, flip on headphones and just jam out to some Yanni," says McMuffin. That really helps me get through my homework.

Yanni, an aging hipster in the ambient/mindfuck genre of music seems an unlikely candidate for a teen's musical idol, but his jovial web of European synthesizer harmonies seem to brighten the dark corners of this young boy's adolescent mind. "I'm not sure what it is that draws me to Yanni's music - perhaps it is his flowing mane of hair or the ability of his music to help me fall asleep in the fetal position after supper. Either way it makes me forget about that kid who beats the snot out of me on the way home from school every day."

Yanni gazes wistfully out at the horizon waiting for New Age inspiration to strike.

School psychologists are perplexed by this as most kids Terry's age are listening to proper music: Metallica's Ride The Lightning or late 80s Skinny Puppy CDs. "For a boy who hasn't even discovered drugs yet, this is a disturbing trend. Yanni represents all that is bad in society to a young person. Ambient music composed for adults, by adults intended to be seen in concert while picnicking or during Amish orgies is not something a young man wants to be into. There's nothing New Age about Mr. Yanni."

Terry defends Yanni: "What's cool about Yanni is that I never have to worry about him breaking up. I mean there's so many frustrated Beatles and Van Halen fans out there waiting for their favorite groups to reunite and make new music. Yanni is a one-man music machine."

"I understand that Yanni has this air of not cool about him in the press but that's just because jerks like the gourd-headed Jon Tesh water down Yanni's jams. You really have to look at the actual man who's composing the music. Yanni broke the world record swimming in the 100-meter freestyle when he was 14 and again I can't emphasize it enough, he has such a flowing mane of hair and a fabulous mustache."

According to Terry, they don't have any cool Yanni tour t-shirts yet so he made his own in my graphics class. "Its of Yanni summoning a demon with lighting bolts coming out of his eyes. Its freakin' awesome."