I HAVE FOUND MYSELF!
A woman's rights advocate has a change of heart
by Cyrmyn Syndyego

I have to say that I am an angry young woman because as women we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive yet men can walk on the moon.* I say this every day and it is because of this notion that I have refused to shave my armpits since my junior year of college. I am 35 now. I was sick of having to conform to the man's world. Dressing the way he wanted me to, making me hold his beer for him while he watched football, even making me have sex with him at his every waking moment while I wore an apron and held a spatula! I used to do things like carve Y's into the sign on the woman's bathroom so that it read "WYMYN" for no good reason. I burned my bras long ago with the same lighter I used to light my Virginia Slims with. So it was with great cause, like the mighty Samson, that I let my pit hair grow and grow as a symbol of my womanhood. I was a regular Werewolf of London under there, sister! I swore I would never shave it. Then I tried the new Gillette MACH3Turbo razor.

Ladies, let me tell you, and I know you are as skeptical as I was the moment I picked it up but this razor is for real.

I had just returned from a "Wake Up Urban Women!" rally downtown and I was angry. I was in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror cursing the man's world and I wanted to break something. I grabbed the first thing I could off of the sink and squeezed it tightly. It was my meek and bookish, yet supportive boyfriend James' shaving razor. I raised it high above my head and screamed "Girl Power" at the top of my lungs and was ready to take to the streets and smash the face of corporate America. Then, maybe it was the way I was waiving the razor, but glints of light caught my eye and in my calming inspection I became lulled by the beauty I possessed in my hands-- a thing of ergonomic beauty-- it fit snugly in my hands like a sixth finger, or possibly a second thumb. With count 'em three, yes that's right, three blades, ladies, and a specially designed lubricating strip I was about to change my life forever.

Protected by 35 patents, MACH3Turbo combines several innovations, including new Anti-Friction™ blades, an ultra-soft protective skinguard, a new patented lubrication system and an improved razor handle.

30 seconds into my shave and I was ready to forget I made $15,000 a year less than my male counterparts at work. Take it from me, after a spritz of after-shave under there you'll be putting on your stiletto heals and lining up to shag your boss in his office for that promotion.

Now I can't stop loving how smooth my armpits are. I frequently catch myself in my sweatiest moments caressing my underarms with almost an erotic sensibility. I've since quit my job and settled down with a 68-year-old former golf pro who's on his eighth marriage. I know its a little naughty but you should see how much closet space I have now!

The following has been a paid advertisement by the Gillette Company. Easy Midget does not necessarily share the same views, unless there's some money involved. Then, we'll do anything you say, boss.