JOHN MADDEN'S PRO SKATER
Easy Midget reviews the new video game sensation
by Russell Miner, video game enthusiast

With a face like an over-ripe pineapple and eyebrows that look more penciled-in than an SAT test, John Madden has come to embody what pony-tailed executives describe as "Sex Appeal" in the minds of male viewers between 18 and 25. It is this demographic that was targeted when two of today's most popular video games,The Madden NFL Series and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, were combined into one mega-hit, John Madden's Pro Skater.

It truly has been a magical bus ride for the oft-eating Madden, a former head coach of the Oakland Raiders, who has not only seen success as an NFL analyst and commentator, but also as a powerful icon in marketable consumer goods. John Madden's Pro Skater will single-handedly redefine the genre of trick-based sports titles.

As is the process with most new sports games, Madden was hooked up to a myriad of electrodes to capture his actual movements while skateboarding, highlighting his athletic grace with alarming realism. Madden is quoted on the packaging as saying, "I wasn't able to accomplish a single skateboarding trick that required moving. I just stood nude and still on a skateboard with all these wires attached to my buttocks while people stood around prodding me with an electronic stick -- the technology was astounding."

In 2003's version the blockiness of the graphics is completely gone as Madden is shown in beautiful detail with no hard edges or robotic movements to speak of. You can see Madden's nipples poke through his undershirt and even the folds in his extra-wide Dockers move with precision as he skates to midfield for the all-important coin-toss at the start of the game.

Fans of both Tony Hawk and John Madden will be happy to note that all of the drama you would expect from the original gritty street skating game and real-life Madden mannerisms of Madden NFL are in the game:

• Madden's play-by-play commentary on his own moves while he's skating is thought-provoking. Some notables are : "Its 4th and inches and my ass feels like an anchor" and "skateboarding is just like riding on a horse with wheels".
• The game has an exciting throwback feel with its arcade-style burger Bonuses and hot dog Power-Ups.
• Madden frequently gets distracted as he skates while he reminisces about how big Gilbert Brown's cankles were in reference to the complexity of the tricks he does.
• There's even a bonus level that lets you give Madden a virtual enema --

Pat Summerall, Madden's longtime on-air cohort while on Fox even makes a surprise appearance as a selectable character, and true to life gets easily confused and quite lost on occasion while bumbling through his tricks.

All in all, Madden's Pro Skater has superb game play with exciting graphics. He's done such a great job of reinventing himself over the years that I wouldn't be surprised to see him making the leap over to Hollywood and co-starring with a chimp or happy-go-lucky dog in a buddy cop film.