EASYMIDGET JOB BOARD

We know the thought of actually working is work enough for most of you. If we could have it our way we'd be sitting on our porches sippin' on Country Time Lemonade listening to banjo music, but those are just pipe dreams so get with the program! Does one of these jobs speak to YOU?

Remember when perusing the jobs below that they all pay at least minimum wage. That’s the Easymidget guarantee!

Midget Wrangler
Occasionally our midgets escape from their pens. At times like these nothing will do but an experienced midget wrangler. The ideal candidate will have his own hunting gear, at least 5 years wrangling experience, and a Master’s degree from an accredited midget wrangling program. Job #15742

Old Fat Smoker
After moving into our posh new headquarters in midtown Manhattan, we noticed that ours is the only building without an old, fat woman chain smoking by the front doors. But that’s about to change. Please apply for this position only if you are female, over the age of sixty, morbidly obese, and a chain smoker with a gravelly smoker’s voice. Candidates who regularly cough up thick black goo and/or blood will be given high consideration, as will those who smoke through a hole in their neck. Job #68777

Yes Man
Easymidget founder Aaron Granlund is looking for a good old fashioned Yes Man to work as his assistant. As a company Yes Man you are charged with the responsibility of gazing in awe at Aaron eight hours a day. You will hang on his every word. You will laugh vigorously at the terrible insults he directs at you personally. And, most importantly, you will bend over first thing each morning so that Aaron can begin his day by giving you a swift kick in the ass. Apply now! Job #40091

Methamphetamine Laboratory Director
As we have sold a mere five tee shirts since going into business, we have been advised by our shareholders in the Gotti family to “develop alternative revenue streams or get your friggin’ heads blown off”. Hence the meth lab. We are looking for a self-motivated go-getter with some true street cred. Applicants must be able to prove possession of a large stockpile of automatic weapons and have a phat ’64 Impala on some sick hydros. Job #83615

Tasseled Loafers
Few things impress us more than a guy wearing tasseled slip-on loafers. Especially if he isn’t wearing any socks. Do you fit this profile? Send in your resume now. It doesn’t matter what your career background is. Be very tan (preferably with that rub-on tanning cream), slick your hair back like Pat Riley, throw on a suit and slip those bare feet into some tasseled loafers! We want you! Job #33750