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RUGBY DRINKING SONGS: THE S&M MAN
by Twinkle Toes Santana
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Shoot the boot! Shoot the boot!
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When I was in college I was in a fraternity. A lot of the guys played
rugby and after a beer or ten somehow we'd find ourselves participating
in the historic tradition of rugby song. Ruggers are tawdry folk: modern
day barbarians singing about times of yore when villages were plundered
and women were pleasured against their will. There are literally hundreds
of different songs that have been passed down through rugby generations
in Europe, Australia, and North America. My favorite song we used to sing
however, was 'The S&M Man' — a perverse song sung to the tune
of Sammy Davis Jr.'s 'The Candy Man'. I devoted this piece to sharing
the lyrics I was familiar with as well as hilarious others which I found
through research on the Internet.
Basically, the way the song works is that anyone can chime in with their
favorite verse, leading the song while the rest of the group repeats in
unison repeating the lines you call out and with the refrain of the chorus:
The S & M Man, The S&M Man,
'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the hurt feel good...
The hurt feel good...
The song can be sung in any order with any of verses. These are but a
few of the many existing verses, but these are definitely the funniest
and vilest I could show you.
| WARNING... we
display a lot of twisted stuff on this website but this is pretty
vulgar. Don't read this if you are easily offended, have no sense
of humor, or are old... |
Who can take a cheese grater, strap it to his arm
shove it up her cunt and make some pussy parmesan?
The S & M Man, The S&M Man,
'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the hurt feel good...
The hurt feel good...
Who can take a pregnant chick, lay her on the bed.
Fuck her so hard that the fetus gives you head?
The S & M Man, The S&M Man,
'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the hurt feel good...
The hurt feel good...
Who can take just two bricks, hold one in each hand,
bang them on his balls, like the cymbals in the band?
The S & M Man, The S&M Man,
'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the hurt feel good...
The hurt feel good...
Who would take a condom, Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife, 'cause she twitches when it stings?
CHORUS
Who can take a Doberman, let him do a show,
Let him fuck your girlfriend, while he takes a video?
CHORUS
Who takes jumper cables, clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car, and electrocutes the bitch?
CHORUS (you get the idea...)
Who can take some shackles, chain you to the walls,
Fill a glass with sperm, by lancing both your balls?
Who can take an old wood saw, rusty, but still cuts,
Saw it back and forth, 'til he cuts off both his nuts?
Who could take a girl scout, get a little nookie.
Punch her in the jaw, and steal her fucking cookies?
Who would use machinery, to masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis, and pretend it didn't hurt?
Who can take some sandpaper, Gotta be 50 grit,
Rub it back and forth, 'til she has a bleeding clit?
Who can take a glass rod, shove it up his prick,
Put it on the table, and smash it with a brick?
Who gives children candy, takes them 'round the block,
And rips up their innards,with the ramming of his cock?
Who can take a feminist, punch her in the face.
Throw the bitch in the kitchen and yell, "Know your fucking place!"
Who can take a baby, throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass, Shish-ka-bob style?
Who can take a puppy, hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass, until it sheds those puppy tears?
Who can take a vice clamp, clamp it on a tit
Squeeze the sucker down 'til it pops just like a zit?
Who can take a transient, rip out one of his eyes
Skull fuck the bastard while he listens to his cries?
Who can take a baby, lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over, fuck the soft spot in its head?
Who can take a chainsaw, cut the bitch in two,
fuck the lower half and give the other half to you?
Who can take two ice picks, shove 'em in her ears,
ride her like a Harley while he fucks her in the rear?
Who can take a tricycle, rip off the seat,
shove his little sister on it and kick her down the street?
Who can take your scrotum, stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights, 'til it drags down to your shins?
Who can take your penis, tie it in a knot,
Tighter yet tighter, until the fucker rots?
Who can take three little boys, ages 4,6, and 8
lock 'em in a closet and make 'em masturbate?
Who can take a nun, bend her over the pew,
Fuck her fuck her fuck her till she wants to be a Jew?
Who can take (name of friend or someone to pick on)'s grandma, throw her
on the lawn,
Fuck her in the grass while grandpa cheers you on?
Who can take a tampon, suck out all the blood,
Put it back in then pass it to his bud?
Who can go to an abortion clinic, sneak around the back,
Rummage through the dumpster and grab a tasty snack?
Who can go to an abortion clinic, fuck sneaking round the back,
Enter through the front door and take one off the rack?
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