I KNOCK BOOTS TIL 7 IN THE MORNING, NOT 6
by Jiffy Jiff

	I get puss n' boots now, know what I'm sayin.

Yo, I be raisin’ the knockin’ boots bar. Rappers are always singing about knockin boots till 6 in the morning. Why 6 o’clock? Is that the end-all-be-all of boot-knockin? Hell no. If you gonna make a statement that you want to sound like a cool cat you gotta represent. That’s why I knock boots till 7 in the morning... One hour later—just to push the envelope—and now the ladies know who their real daddy is.

Back in the day people wouldn’t even stay awake till 6 in the morning, let alone knock boots so I can understand why that sounded so damn cool. But this is the 21st century. I think modern people have progressed past that old skool timeline.

New York City at 7 AM. I'm just finishing.

Some suckas even get by sayin “We knock boots till the break of dawn…” well that shit be weak too because the break of dawn is like 4am. That’s even more of a bitch-ass thing to say than 6 o’clock.

So how do I do it? I wear two rubbers. That’s right. I put so many rubbers on that the elastic make my dick go numb. After that, all I gotta do is focus on staying awake.

Some people have told me that knockin’ boots till 6 in the morning ain't a literal statement. They say it’s an exaggeration to over-emphasize the point that when they havin’ sex it’s supposed to sound like a really passionate event that lasts longer than your typical 20 minute sex session. They said that knockin’ boots is somethin’ called a meteor… no, a metaphor, whatever that means-- because how many times you both actually been in bed together wit’ real boots on? I was like so you mean when they say “get your booty on the floor tonight” that don’t mean that they want you to take off their little booties and throw ‘em out on the dance floor so people can dance around the little booties?” I guess I take things too literally. I thought only Rick James wore booties. Maybe that’s why people always looked at me a little funny when I would start taking my shoes off when they said that.

Even so, I’m the real deal. I ain’t gonna lie to my fans and tell them I be bangin girls with their boots on when they really don’t got no boots on. I make it a point now to have all my groupies put on a pair of boots before we climb into the sack now. I also set my alarm for 7 so we know when to stop. If the girl be a sweetheart I might even stay awake long enough for us to both grab breakfast at McDonalds. Can’t beat an Egg McMuffin after sex. Ahh yeah.