THE MYTH OF THE DEMISE OF THE XFL
By Kurt Kazinsky: EasyMidget's Conspiracy Theorist

First off I am not a 'Conspiracy Theorist' as those pigs at EasyMidget would have you believe. I am a 'Conspiracy Realist' as everything I say is known to be true. I can prove it because my sources are reliable, hard working, and believe in our God-given right to bear arms. EasyMidget is nothing but a front for the Mexican Mafia and some day it will be exposed for you all to see and I will get the last laugh. Until then, I will continue to write articles for them.

I'm here to tell you all that everything you've heard about the XFL is wrong. Dead wrong. The XFL as you know it still exists as an organization. All 368 players including coaches, administrative staff, and the referee crew are all being held against their will in an underground bunker in Shreveport, Louisiana by the government of the United States. The media, however, wants you to believe otherwise. The truth is this: The United States government is afraid of Vince McMahon- not just of the power he wields and displays every week on WWF Smackdown, but more in the fact that they are jealous of his success and the admiration he gets from his 18-25 year-old demographic. Of course, as usual all of this would never have happened had we as a nation had "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State," and given "the right of the people to keep and bear Arms."

In reality, every single game during the XFL's tremendous six game season was sold out to capacity. NBC, posing as an "partner" of the XFL was working in full and cheating cooperation with the government and promptly used their mastery of Hollywood effects and digital chicanery to airbrush out some 30,000 fans per game to make it appear that no one was going to the games. They also paid large sums of money to the government-controlled media to make fun of the XFL and not cover the games; but arguably the most devilish move was to infiltrate the XFL broadcasting booth with double agents like Jesse Ventura (secretly still a Navy Seal) whose sole mission was to look like an idiot, thus making Vince McMahon look like an idiot.

Ironically, McMahon new what was happening the entire time but fearing an air attack during WWF venues from US fighter planes was powerless to do anything. I liken the whole spectacle to the way they just blamed everything on Mumia Abu-Jamal and put him on Death Row. What a sick world we live in! As for the XFL: Well, the XFL discussion boards are ripe with conspiracy theories, but as usual my sources have surfaced with the truth. The US government feared an uprising from the American people as the XFL represented such a marked change in national psyche that it was detrimental to the government's survival much like the social upheaval the followed during our involvement in the Vietnam War. It is a sad day when such a brilliant mind like McMahon's is forced to bow to the bullying threats of a national government. In fact, it is true that had the XFL continued to prosper, Americans would have risen to arms and overthrown the government within 2 years easy- (and that's just my conservative estimation! Others I have spoken to gave it just 3 weeks tops!)

I watched all 48 XFL games from my secluded home in Hidden Butte, Idaho via satellite television feeds when I bought the XFL Season Ticket. Now I'm wary of this same satellite system spying on me, so I've been reduced to watching XFL highlights and classic games such as the now famous L.A. Xtreme v. Birmingham Bolts game on March 11th via second hand copies that are being passed by hand throughout rural Idaho. I'm armed to the teeth just waiting for some federal marshal to try and bust in here and confiscate my XFL memorabilia... My Las Vegas Outlaws beer funnel and my Memphis Maniax official handgun signed by Offensive Tackle Harry Boatswain himself. When will the US government learn from its mistakes? The fact that the NFL is really secretly a branch of the US military has been held as "top secret" for decades and its only just now that we are starting to come to our senses.

What then will become of the XFL? My guess, is that they will be executed savagely and the government will try to cover it up like they did in Waco. They'll try to claim that the XFL was just a crazy religious cult that practiced bestiality and that they committed mass suicide in a secret bunker in Shreveport, Louisiana... and if they do, you'll have me, Kurt Kazinsky to thank for warning you.

So till then, God Bless and keep your ear to the ground.