SMALLZ'S TOP TEN LIST

This month we're proud to present special guest and good friend Smallz in his EasyMidget debut direct from San Diego, California.

editor's note: To preserve the effect of Mr. Smallz's angst I am leaving this top ten list in its raw unedited form from the email I received it in. I think the all-caps really makes this piece.

Actual photos of Smallz in action on a typical night

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
1. FUCKING MEXICAN HOOKERS AND HAVING THEM TELL EVERYONE AT THE WHOREHOUSE
THAT MY SMALL COCK IS THE SIZE OF THEIR ARM
2. DRINKING VINEGAR STRAIGHT OUT OF THE FUCKING BOTTLE
3. DARK-COLORED BOXERS--LOOK MA, NO FUCKING SKIDMARKS (OR BLOOD FROM MY
COCK)
4. ROCKHOUNDS VERSUS FISHHIKERS
5. GROWING MY GUT REAL BIG SO MY FUCKING BALONEY-TITS AREN'T AS PREVALENT
6. BEING AT BARS AND HAVING HOT CHICKS COMING UP TO ME AND TOUCHING MY
FUCKING HAIR AND TELLING ME HOW MUCH THEY LIKE IT, ONLY TO REPLY WITH "UH
THANKS" BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING PUSSY
7. SITTING IN MY PARKED FUCKING CAR ON A BUSY STREET AND PUKING DIRECTLY
ONTO MY FAVORITE FUCKING SHIRT SO THE VOMIT WON'T GET ON THE SEATS
8. HAVING THE MANAGER OF DENNY'S OFFERRING TO CALL AN AMBULANCE FOR ME AS I
SIT BLEEDING FROM MY FUCKING HEAD AND EATING A FUCKING BOCA BURGER
9. WHACKING OFF TO MEXICAN GAME SHOWS IN MY ROOM ONLY TO REALIZE THAT THE
FUCKING BLINDS ARE OPEN AND THE NEIGHBORS CAN SEE ME
10. BEING TOLD TWO YEARS IN ADVANCE BY A FRIEND THAT I'M NOT GOING TO BE
INVITED TO HIS FUCKING WEDDING BECAUSE I WILL GET ALL FUCKED UP AND RUIN IT