HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHIMP?

Stinko is missing. People are scared.

Missing since July 10, 2001, chief EasyMidget writer Stinko the Chimp, age 26. He was last seen in “The Cockpit”, a trendy gay bar on New York’s Lower East Side. He was wearing a snappy beige tweed jacket with leather elbow patches and some Versaci twill knickers.

Friends and acquaintances remember him in good spirits the night he disappeared, though they admit he was thoroughly intoxicated and ranting about the lack of quality in Jeffrey Dahmer’s human skin lampshades.

Stinko drives a black Lincoln Navigator with a “GOT OPPOSABLE THUMBS?” bumper sticker attached to the rear bumper. He is a Valium addict and has been known to frequent Mormon churches and other houses of ill repute.

Mr. Andrew Wipple, Stinko’s manservant, is the last person to have seen Stinko alive. According to statements Mr. Wipple made to the police, Stinko’s last words were “I guess I better put my rubber underwear on. After all this beer I’ll probably shit the bed.” Then, by all accounts, he left the bar alone.

Stinko the Chimp first came to world prominence when, in 1977, he buggered Marcia Givens, the Harvard-trained primatologist who rescued him from a Turkish carnival several years earlier.

He again grabbed headlines by outbidding The Sultan of Oman for a pair of original Edward Gein human skin lampshades, paying $1.5 million.

When Michael Jackson attended the 1986 American Music Awards with Bubbles the Chimp, Stinko was on location as a freelance writer for Rolling Stone magazine. The raw, compelling style of his writing made him an obvious EasyMidget choice. When he showed up for an interview in a gorgeous yellow Armani suit it was agreed he should join us as a fashion writer.

Stinko is easily recognizable by his enormous square Buddy Holly style glasses and an impressive bouffant hairdo. His body is marked with the following tattoos:

CHIMPIN’ AIN’T EASY
BITCH BETTER HAVE MY LAUNDRY READY!
A MONKEY COULD DO MY JOB

If you have any information as to the whereabouts of Stinko the Chimp, please contact the local authorities. If you have no information as to the whereabouts of Stinko the Chimp, do not contact the local authorities.

Godspeed, little chimp!