NEW, IMPROVED EASYMIDGET PRODUCED BY THIRD WORLD CHILDREN
by Tim Vasdeferens, EasyMidget Economic Corespondent

	Five-year-old Naseeba looks takes an illegal "looking away break" as her 6 brothers carry on diligently at the EasyMidget comedy factory in Indonesia. She was reprimanded shortly after.

EasyMidget Corporation (EZMG - NASDAQ) has announced a restructuring that would allow the website to be created entirely in Indonesia by crippled orphans for little or no payment. Aaron Granlund, editor of EasyMidget said in a statement, "We looked at our options and it just seemed like a more natural decision to have some dirty kids in a village put it together than to have to fuck around with it here. To be honest, we'd all rather get drunk than have to worry about being creative and type up fake news stories."

Granlund continued, "Well, you've got the best of both worlds because first of all it costs nothing and second, those kids are actually funnier than we are. You've always heard people talking about how the best comedy comes from some guttural pain in people's lives - well these kids aren't happy campers, but they sure make it sound like life's a peach."

EasyMidget has worked out a deal to share labor with the Nike soccer ball manufacturing plant in Samarinda. The kids work 12 hours at the soccer ball plant and then head straight for the EasyMidget factory without sleep where they are shackled in bamboo cages, doused with turpentine and flogged with a leather strap until they come up with funny ideas.

Talk about a dedicated employee — This young boy gave up meals for three days to meet his 2,000 soccer ball-per-day quota!

"At first there was this language barrier that was preventing a lot of the jokes from being funny to people who speak English. Then they would make all these bizarre references to rice paddies and goats and starvation in the jokes, stuff that none of our online readers neither know nor care about. The last straw was when these Muslim kids insisted on praying five times a day; we said 'Hey, try being funny five times a day and we’ll see what we can do.' Finally I just told the management down there to flog those fuckers harder until they stopped fucking up. Its amazing what a little elbow grease will accomplish. Today, EasyMidget is a premiere humor magazine and a seamless operation.

Sean Huet, who runs the Minneapolis chapter of EasyMidget commented that "EasyMidget is not a corporation as the media would have you believe, it’s a way of life. It’s funny in many ways, but mostly because sad, disadvantaged children are making me shitloads of money while I spend my days brewing methamphetamine in my basement and purchasing female attention."

EasyMidget has expressed interest in investing in a diamond mine as well. "Diamonds, coal, whatever — anything where we can supervise people digging, scream at them, and then flog them sounds like an enticing opportunity."

As of 4:00 p.m. EasyMidget's stock price had risen 8 points.