SAM DONALDSON'S HAIR INTERVIEWS THE TIP OF JOHN WAYNE BOBBIT'S PENIS
by Sam Donaldson's Hair

Sam Donaldson's Hair speaks with the severed tip of John Wayne Bobbit's penis

It is a story that sent fear into the hearts and groins of men the world over. A man severed from his penis. Easymidget brings you an exclusive cockumentary with the Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: You have been circumcised, severed, discarded and reattached. You have been through so much. What keeps you going?

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: Atheism mainly.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: Yeah, faith is such a powerful thing.

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: And music. I sit for hours some days, just Jim Nabors and me.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: John Wayne Bobbit capitalized on his sudden fame by starring in a couple of adult movies, Frankenpenis and John Wayne Bobbit Uncut. How do you feel about being forced, literally, into the world of pornography?

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: It was great. The dialog in Frankenpenis was really strong, especially the scene where Jabba the Hut hands over Han Solo and I deep-freeze him.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: Actually, that was Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back.

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: Oh. Right.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: Mmmm…

	Bobbit's proper half

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: Nonetheless, my acting blew away the critics. I've been asked to play Lazarus in a Broadway revival of Jesus Christ Superstar, my having arisen from the dead and everything.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: So you are famous now.

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: I am an international figure. I was in the running to light the Olympic flame until that Muhammad Ali freakshow muscled his way in on my territory. They only let him do it because he has the mind of a three-year-old.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: Well, we're all sick of that guy.

Editor's note: At this point the Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis became aroused and forced its way under the skirt of a female caterer (Sam Donaldson's Hair insists on catering including Volvic water, fresh hydroponic tomatoes, chocolate Pop Tarts and Earl Grey tea as well as fresh cut flower arrangements and Swedish masseurs everywhere he goes). The Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis came out from under the caterer's skirt when it was discovered that she was a 16th century virgin wearing an iron chastity belt. The interview continued a few minutes later.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: How is your relationship with the Lower Half of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis, the portion that was not severed?

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: I think the Lower Half harbors a certain amount of guilt about having remained attached. It's normal. A lot of guys who came back alive from Viet Nam experienced that kind of guilt.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: So the two of you have worked it out?

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: Definitely. We need each other after all. Besides, the Lower Half still owes me the eighteen hundred dollars I lent him to restore his El Camino. I'm not going anywhere until I collect.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: I saw recently that People magazine named you Man of the Year, though you are not even a man.

Tip of John Wayne Bobbit's Penis: But I am what matters in a man. The rest of a man is for mowing the lawn and so forth.

Sam Donaldson's Hair: Right…

— END —