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BOMB THE DUTCH NOW, A REBUTTAL
by Carlito Olson
Last month I put together an
absolutely gorgeous piece of writing concerning the Dutch and why
they so urgently need bombing. It got rave reviews in all the major anti-Dutch
periodicals including Surrounded By Dykes and Dutchmen Have
Eleven Toes. And the correspondence from our fans was overwhelming:
I have bags of letters all over my doublewide trailer.
Then along came an angry email from a Dutchman (or, as I like to call
him, Hitler's Footstool) excoriating me for advocating his death. I noticed
the email smelled of old cabbage, a dead giveaway of Dutch-ness. Here
is the email in its entirety, but beware of the rancid odor:
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> jesus fucking christ dude, you're
the dumbest i've
> ever met. all prejudices against america and americans
> come true just by reading your bomb the dutch-page.
> you have fucking spanish windmills on the page you
> moron! let's say you actually bomb the dutch with your
> pretty fighters and all. boy, you have some nice
> fighters eh? say bye to welfare and education and
> let's buy some some more explosive stuff. ok, you got
> it, bought it, played it: you can't even find it!
> you'll probably bomb spain, if you know where it is,
> that is. and spain will say, fuck that! a whole europe
> unites and so long henry fonda. all the US ends up
> moaning and watching julio iglesias for god's sake.
> the hell with that.
> so, first start playing soccer, and then change the
> picture on the page.
>
> adios,
>
> dzieee
> amsterdam
>
> (holland)
> (europe that is)
> (other side of your worldview) |
First off, the day "a whole Europe unites" is the day Mike Ditka
publicly declares his homosexuality and becomes a "color consultant"
for a London-based lingerie designer. Second, we are in favor of bombing
Spain as well. After all, the article wasn't entitled Bomb Holland Now,
it was entitled Bomb the Dutch Now. We should bomb the Dutch wherever
they may hide: Spain, Holland, or yo momma's ass. Third, Henry Fonda has
already passed on.
What I find most interesting as I read through this email is the fact
that at no time does the silly Dutchman actually offer even a single morsel
of evidence that the Dutch are not in need of bombing.
At least we can agree on something. And that something is Julio Iglesias.
EasyMidget is an official sponsor of Julio Iglesias's upcoming Sensual
Love Tour and the moaning we do while watching Mr. Iglesias is out
of pure unbridled ecstasy.
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